That Lonely Feeling

I’m a terrible blogger. Two weeks (at least) since my last post? Slap slap! My usual excuse that I’ve been sooooo busy really doesn’t cut it this time. I was busy.  I am busy. But then again, who isn’t? Anyway, lots of things going on that I will have to fill you in on.

I thought of this blog a few weeks back. It was a Sunday evening and we were relaxing in front of the TV. Louie was peaceful beside me. I was knitting and Eric was doing Eric like things which I usually don’t pay mind to. I thought about how nice it would be to have a little family; one with a tiny human being in it. We have a family, I know that. It’s just, I wanted, at that moment, something to snuggle or feed or burp. Something to take care of. At first I couldn’t quite figure out what the feeling was. And then I realized it was loneliness. Or maybe a mixture of lonely and sad.

I don’t feel this way very often. Just in the quiet moments when it can sneak in and take me by surprise. I usually am filled with busy things such as work and clubs and reading or knitting or fill in the blank. When this feeling comes across I stuff it down a bit. I consider the people who are sick with cancer. The family who doesn’t have a place to live. The animal that was hurt at the hands of an owner who they had nothing but unconditional love for. That’s when I feel grateful this is all we have to deal with. I’ve talked about this feeling of gratefulness before and I swear it is a Godsend. The ability to be grateful puts things into perspective for me.

But enough of the sad stuff for now! I have to let you know about a newfound passion for fun in the way of motorcycling. Yes, I know. Motorcycles are dangerous. People get into accidents and get hurt or sometimes die. The same thing happens when folks drive a car or ride a bicycle or take the train to work. I mean, take a look at that lady in Chicago who recently got hit by the mirror of a megabus. How random! It’s all relative.

After taking a motorcycle riding class last year I’ve been itching to try it on my own. Eric has encouraged me to get on my neighbor’s bike for some time now. As a flight attendant she is rarely home. She offered up her 600cc Honda Shadow as it sits in the garage most of the time. She gave me the thumbs up to take her out and I haven’t looked back. I had Eric take me to parking lots on the weekends so I could practice all the skills I’d learned in the class. Parking lots, being relatively safe, gave me the confidence to want to try more. Yet, I hesitated. Could I really do this? The third time in the lot Eric looked at me and said, “You’re never going to learn to ride if you don’t get out on the street and just do it”. Scared out of my wits, I agreed and haven’t looked back since. Is this how it is with parenting?

A few weeks ago, much to my mom’s dismay I’m sure, I purchased my first bike. A beautiful little Honda Shadow 600 with two sets if bags and a brand new windshield. Eric was delighted. He has a new toy to play with and fix and put parts on. I love watching his eyes light up like a kid a Christmas when it comes to motorcycles. I bet he’ll be the same way with a little boy or girl when and if we have one. This will have to do for now. 🙂

I feel like I have to justify this purchase. After all, the money we spent could have paid for another IUI treatment. I just wanted something that I could feel good about. And I do. I am having a ton of fun and it makes me happy. That is what life is about anyway.

Isn’t she pretty? The next time you see it she’ll have a beautiful new paint job!

The other cool news I wanted to tell you about was the birth of the Davis twins. I mentioned them in the last post. Mom and I will be seeing them in September at the Birdies for Babies event. I am wrapping up the press release on that soon and will post a link once it is published.

Thanks for reading!

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4 thoughts on “That Lonely Feeling

  1. Jenn,
    Just because there may be people whom you think are suffering more than you are doesn’t diminish the pain–emotional, mental, or physical–that you are experiencing. Your pain, in whatever form it takes, has validity.
    She is a pretty bike; and why is it a she?
    xo
    Barb

    • Hi Barb! Good point. Pain is pain and we are all free to experience it no matter what the circumstances. I don’t know why the bike is a she. Maybe because I see women as powerful. She power!

  2. Enjoy your new two-wheel “baby.” It doesn’t talk back and won’t keep you up nights. Keep expressing all of those sad feelings, too. No apologies. You’re entitled to feel awful on occasion. XXX

    • Thanks Gail! You are right – the two-wheeler is amazing. She can always be retrofitted with a side car in case a human baby comes along. 🙂

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