I never realized how important it was to talk about infertility until I started talking about it. My husband isn’t as “excited” to tell complete strangers about what’s going on. I on the other hand, feel liberated. The more I talk about it the less uncomfortable I am; the more I increase the opportunity for others to connect to me.
Connection with another human being is extremely important and I believe this is even more true of women. Women gather. We gossip. We huddle over morning coffee and pass brownie bites without saying a word. We talk about our feelings and, when we’re really close, finish each other’s sentences. We understand each other as women do. Whether a woman has lost a child or will never have a child we are there for each other. No questions asked.
So when a friend and wonderful mentor of mine recently sent me her thoughts about the blog, I was moved by her uncertainty in how to talk to me about my experience. Her comments, re-printed below, made me think how important it is for those of us who are dealing with infertility to tell others how and when is a good time to talk to us about it.
“Thank you so much for sharing the blog with me. It is interesting because I don’t know if it is something you want to talk about or if it is off-limits. I think most people who are “standing by” someone they love who is going through the “whole infertility business” are not sure what they can do, what to say, or how they can help? I would think it would be irritating to ask how things are going.”
I’m glad she asked these questions. Infertility is a painful journey; and it would be a lonely one for me if I let it be that way. I personally welcome questions because it provides an opportunity to learn something new. It gives me the space to feel someone else’s concern for me which in turn makes me a better person.
But there are those out there who are not as forthcoming or comfortable and it’s not always easy to know what to say or how to approach them. My advice is to listen and be there the best you can be without judging or questioning your loved ones reasoning or decisions. Don’t offer advice or ask every time you see them “Are you pregnant yet? or “How are things going?” Let her open up to you and you’ll never go wrong.
There are probably a ton of things I missed but here are two websites that will be helpful in learning more about infertility and infertility etiquette:
Thank you for stopping by! If there is anything in particular you want to read about, send me an e-mail. I would love to hear from you!