I’ve debated on how to start this blog. Idea after idea has flitted across my mind and yet I have not started. But today I’m changing that. Today, I am giving myself the opportunity to talk about infertility – something I never thought I would have to deal with. It pains me to say I’m in good company. From empathizing with friends to typing a supportive word or two to a nameless woman in an on-line forum; I have found comfort.
It is not easy this infertility business. The mechanics of it are elusive. The emotions are as varied as the colors in a box of crayons. It is depressing and painful when a month goes by with no success. Then, for the most optimistic, the cycle starts again. Hope. Pray. Wait. Cry.
It is unfathomable that we can endure one more month of waiting. Waiting to be joyful at the prospect of a new life, a welcome addition to the family.
I’ll be honest – I didn’t always want children. In fact, for the better part of my 12-year marriage my husband and I enjoyed the life we had without them. Our sisters had sons and a daughter and we continued on the path we were on. No regrets here.
But then something happened.
I began to want. And now, each month, that want gets stronger. More persistent.
Don’t get me wrong – I love my nephews and niece to the ends of the earth. Nothing will ever change that but I wanted something more for myself. For my husband. For us.
Our journey began over a year ago and to this day I have yet to celebrate a BFP (or Big Fat Positive for those new to the fertility/infertility lingo). This adventure – I am still positive enough to call it as such – has shined light on what is really important in life and what I want out of it.
I hope you enjoy your stay on my blog and I hope we can connect as we travel through our respective journeys!